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Time [GMT -6] : 07 Sep , 07:22:09 |
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| 28 Jul 2010 09:26:24 pm |
| SNAP Conference |
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July 28, 2010
SNAP Conference
There is a SNAP Conference this weekend in Chicago. I was not able to attend but was able to provide some support. SNAP stands for survivors network of those abused by priests. Their web site is: www.snapnetwork.org/
The topic of abuse by priests hits close to home with me. I was raised in the Catholic Church. As an adult, I began to search outside the Church for answers and discovered that I needed to reach beyond the Church for the healing I needed. As I progressed in my healing, I found that my Catholic upbringing was a source of much of the pain I felt inside. And when I was told by a sister that one of our older brothers had been molested by a priest, a lot of my past struggles began to come into focus. But the monumental effort of healing was only beginning.
Because my family would not discuss the molestation and had kept it a secret for decades, I went to both a reporter and the Kansas City, Missouri diocese with the information. Unlike the experiences of most, I received an immediate apology from a diocese official for the pain that this priest had caused my family. The apology didn't go very far in helping me heal, but it was a better response than most have received.
It was only recently that I discovered that by reporting this incident, a priest who had been abusing for many years was retired to a facility where he could harm no more. The last count I have seen reported is that 17 have come forward with credible allegations of molestation against this priest. How many others are there who have not come forward? And how many instances of molestation could have been prevented if my family had been willing to confront this abuser?
But my family refused. And when I tried to confront the situation, as well as other abusiveness within the family, I was attacked unmercifully by my own family. What I discovered through this extremely painful process that continues to this day is that those who refuse to confront abuse become abusers themselves. And when confronted with their abusiveness, they attack. It has been a hard lesson and one that has caused a lot of pain and suffering. The sad thing is, just as with pedophile priests, it is the most vulnerable in my family who receive the brunt of the abuse.
It was my first trip to Peru that connected me with my God. How ironic. I was brought up to believe that native peoples, of whatever land, were savages who needed to be converted. But it was a shaman who was the one who gave of himself and led me to experience something that had been missing from my life. He used his talent to bring a priceless gift to me. It certainly wasn't traditional and it is not for everyone, but I needed something drastic. I was in so much pain I had daily thoughts of suicide. It was the shaman who showed me a light at the end of the tunnel, a light on which I could focus in my deepest and darkest depressions in the years that followed.
My fight for justice did not end with this priest and the abusers within my family. I have taken on injustices in my own community and have been attacked relentlessly for doing so. Someone recently asked me if I was afraid of the karma I might be bringing on myself. What karma, I asked? I believe in the golden rule. Do unto others. I want to be accountable for my actions. How can I be accountable for my actions if I don't hold others accountable for theirs. If I don't collect debts that are owed to me, I cannot pay my bills. If I don't hold others accountable, I can't be accountable. I don't always have to literally collect the debts, but I need to tell the truth about those that don't pay their debts. If I don't I will attract more of the same. That is karma.
I believe that what the questioner was referring to was not karma, but punishment. Her fear represents the typical thinking of a person who has been abused.....the cycle of thinking that makes it difficult to break out of the abusive pattern. It goes something like this: If I stand up to an abuser and ask demand that they stop the abuse (whether within the family or in the community at large), I will be punished. Therefore, I will be silent rather than risk more abusiveness.
That is not karma, that is the abuse cycle playing itself out. The irony of this sort of thinking is that more abuse will be attracted by being silent. Yes, you risk retaliation when you stand up to abuse and you must prepare yourself for that possibility and take precautions. But if you don't speak out, you will attract even more abuse. Abusers have a way of sensing those they know will keep silent.
And, as those from SNAP can attest, you cannot just speak up once and expect to be heard. It takes repetition. Eventually your voice becomes stronger and louder and others join in. That's when real change begins to happen.
Much of the healing I have done has come from non-traditional means. By non-traditional I mean it is not accepted by most of our society. It IS traditional from the standpoint of native cultures. Their healing techniques have been around for centuries and can be very effective. Some have tried to hijack these ceremonies for personal gain with disastrous results. As with any modality, one has to be discerning and not give away one's personal power. The goal (if I may use that word) is to achieve personal awareness and that cannot be achieved if you give your personal power to another. That is nothing more than abuse from which we are all learning to heal.
Good luck on your journey,
Charles Kempf |
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Category : Newsletter
| Posted By : admin |
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